This post is less about knitting and more about why I wasn’t knitting, or blogging, or doing much of anything except losing myself in my computer.
Back in October, I had a meltdown of sorts. A great deal of stress stemming from every part of my life converged on one unfortunate Sunday. I cried in bed all day. I went to the doctor. I started taking medication. And for 4 months I didn’t knit. I worked, I ferried my daughter to school and birthday parties and ballet classes, I played a lot on my computer. But I didn’t knit.
Looking back, I can say for certain that one of the things that was stressing me out so much was the knitting. I absolutely love doing it, and I really love knitting for other people… but that’s exactly what led to my partial undoing. A lot of people asked me to knit gifts for them to give to family and friends over the holidays, and I wanted to do it for them so badly, especially since they were going to pay me to do it. But I just… couldn’t… do… it. There were too many people to please, too much research into the kinds of knitted gifts they wanted, and just not enough time for me. Luckily, every one of those people forgave me for not being able to provide them with gifts. But I had a hard time forgiving myself for not getting it done. I still feel bad about it, but I’m learning that it’s okay to say no, that I need more time for myself, and I need to make more knitted things for myself.
So… this year, I’m knitting for me. Well… and probably for my daughter, too, because this magazine has 2 amazing little girl dresses that I’d love to knit up. I had 2 projects on the needles last October, and they’re both finished now – socks for my husband, and socks for my daughter, done. Even though it’s March, I’m currently knitting up a cashmere scarf, for me, in a neat cable pattern. Hopefully I’ll have pictures up soon – my camera is ok, but the USB cable is shot, probably have to order a new one.
And I’ll hopefully blog more, about knitting… and everything else.
* “Depression does not equal knitting.”